In My Veins (And I Can't Get You Out)
by windbeneaththewings
Summary: Shikamaru thinks no one loves this strong girl in a weak world more than him. Important note: it's not completely AU, but timing is changed.


**A/N: Hi everyone and yes, it's been a long time- like almost a year? Second year of university was hard and second semester… I don't know why I'm telling this, but anyway, so lately I've been listening to Andrew Belle's 'In my veins' and I was asked to write something about Shikamaru/Ino and somehow this turned into 17 pages long something. Hope you will like it! – Nizza. xx**

**In my veins.**

Shikamaru thinks it's started like this-

_She was by his side from his sixth birthday_-

He's always been a quiet kid and never enjoyed much attention, but it comes naturally being the only kid in the family and little Shikamaru learned that even if he says countless times that he better stay at his room, no one will ever listen and make him go outside. It's his birthday and he doesn't really know what to think of it. And by 'it' he means lots of kids on the backside of their house and he doesn't know any of them, well maybe only Choji, but Choji should count as a brother, his mother says. And Shikamaru learned that if he won't do what his mother says – 'women', his dad sighs with a little smirk on his face, - then he'll be in the trouble and she won't let him play chess with dad (Shikamaru can't risk that, playing chess is the most important thing to do). His gaze drops to colorful boxes on the ground. Presents. He should be excited and normally he loves presents, but he doesn't know these kids and logically they don't him too, so there is a very small chance that something there will be useful for him.

''Shikamaru, go and play with friends'', his mother says, nudging him to the ribs and pushing her son forward. ''They came here for you.''

He wants to say 'I didn't ask them to', but bites it back. His eyes skim the crowd to find Choji, but instead of plummy boy with round cheeks and big nose, he finds tall girl with high ponytail. Her voice is loud and rings in his ears, making him want to cringe. He understands that she tries to explain rules of the game to others, but her patience runs off quickly, when some kid with eyebrows thicker than Shikamaru's favorite belt asks some question and she comes closer, punches him in the shoulder and then explains again. He's only six years old, but he doesn't understand why would anyone bother to explain something to someone. That's tiresome.

''Shikamaru, go'', this time it's his father and there is something in his voice that makes little Nara move his feet and make three steps forward.

Girl turns around and Shikamaru stops, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pants. She blinks and then with determination on her face comes closer to him. And – he's kind of terrified and kind of can't move, because he has never spoke to girls before and she looks like she'll bite his head off if he says something wrong. His mother said that he never should harm girls and be polite to them; she also said that they are gentle and fragile, like flowers. Looking at the girl in front of him, he doesn't think it's true.

''It's your birthday, right?'' She asks loudly and he slowly nods. ''How can you stay over there and not play with us? We came for you!''

Shikamaru blinks twice and he keeps on blinking until beautiful woman takes a stand behind the girl and laughs a little.

''Ino, don't be rude to the birthday boy'', she says gently and girl – Ino – huffs. ''Shikamaru, this is Ino, she's also five years old. You two met before, but probably don't remember. Our family is very close with yours.''

He nods politely, thinking that he would have definitely remembered this girl and if not her then her eyes. They actually strike him with their brightness and clearness; it's like staring at the sky – so light blue and pure. He thinks her eyes are really pretty, because he likes sky and they remind him of it, but then-

''Mama, he's idiot'', her tone is strict and she flinches dramatically, when her mother tightly squeezes her shoulder. ''It's his birthday and he doesn't even play. He's weird.''

Shikamaru doesn't say anything, just stares at the girl, playing the words in his head. Weird. _W-e-i-r-d_. He heard this before from other kids on his street, when he didn't want to play football with them. It's tiring and he doesn't like any games that are tiring. Does that make him weird? Is weird bad? He can hear Ino' mother saying something to her, but then he also sees Choji running to him from the left. In a next second his best friend –brother – smashes him and Choji says 'happy birthday' with a mouth full of some candy. He grins and Shikamaru tries to get him off him and makes a face, but he likes Choji.

''Your mom asked you to come to the kitchen'', he says and Shikamaru goes away.

''Am I weird?'' He asks immediately, entering the kitchen.

Thankfully, his mother is the only person there, cooking his favorite cookies. She turns and quirks her eyebrow and then frowns.

''And who said that?'' She asks, turning back to settle the temperature in the oven. ''One of the boys?''

''Is it bad?'' He asks, still not coming in. _Is it bad? Am I bad?_

She huffs out loudly and turns to him. ''You're too little for that. Now, take those plates and put them on the big table outside, that's why I called for you.''

He doesn't learn if it's bad or not till the time everyone leaves. His mind automatically remembers every single face and name and standing by the side of his mother, he nods to everyone. It catches his attention that Ino and Choji haven't left; and if in the case with Choji it's very understandable, then with Ino he doesn't get anything. Everything falls in the place, when he sees their moms talking and laughing in the backyard after everyone left and it takes him few seconds to understand where girl is, because Kami-sama, _she's loud_.

''That's not how you play it, Choji!'' She takes pillow and it lands on the face of his friend, who mumbles something about not paying attention.

''I'll bring chips'', he says and runs to the kitchen, waving to Shikamaru.

Nara walks to the living room and sits on the couch, not looking at Ino, who's watching him with her blue-blue eyes. Like sky, he thinks. His attention is on the window, he watches sky turn bright orange and that's when he feels someone right next to him. She smells of some flower and smell is a bit too strong at first, because his mother smells like cookies, but he doesn't stand up and go away.

''Mama said that your mother told her about you liking to watch the sky'', she says and he doesn't react on this. ''That's-''

''Weird?'' He prompts, turning a little to her.

She frowns, her eyes go from bright light blue to dark, and bites her lower lip, looking down at her hands. Her little fingers are twisting purple flower and he has never saw it in their garden.

''I like flowers'', she says, not looking up at him. ''You like watching the sky. It's not weird.''

There is a silence between them and Shikamaru can't find the word to describe it. He just keeps looking at the flower in her hands until she says something so quietly that he can't hear it.

''What?'' He asks, frowning.

She sighs loudly and looks up, her eyes catch his glance. ''I said I'm sorry. For calling you an idiot.'' He just stares and she swallows, her fingers starting to twist flower rapidly. ''And – you're not weird. You're just – different.''

Different. Shikamaru blinks and looks down. _Different_. This word settles somewhere in his heart and it doesn't sound bad at all. Not when she raises her head and chippers in loud voice of hers that different is good and her mom said those who are different are great. _Great_.

''I'm Ino Yamanaka'', she says with pride that makes Shikamaru wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn't, because he thinks it may hurt the girl and he doesn't want that.

''Shikamaru Nara'', he mumbles and takes her outstretched hand with hesitation.

''Friends, then'', she concludes and this is strange how she immediately called them this word – because it's a big one for him – but he doesn't say anything again.

Not when her eyes are bright blue again.

_She was his escape when he was twelve-_

Sky is beautiful. Clouds are slowly passing by and this state of peace and calmness relaxes him. All of the tension from his muscles fades away and his breathing evens out, when he closes his eyes and controls his mind, not letting it wander. Because when his mind wanders-

He immediately remembers bright blue eyes and shiny pink lips with smeared lip gloss all over them. He can hear her contagious laugh in his ears and can feel her warm body pressed to his. She hugged him so tight, as tight as she only could, and she smelled like lavender, cotton candy and sweat, but he didn't care, hugging her back. His mind replays again and again how blood rushed through his veins when her arms wrapped around his neck and he barely kept them in an upright position – because she jumped on him, literally. The fight was tiring and the best thing about it was the moment after, when her lips where ghosting over his collarbones as she giggled with '_congratulation_!' and '_you were so good, Shika_!'-

He's alone on this roof, so there is no need to hide this dorky smile that takes place on his lips whenever he thinks about his teammate and best friend and blonde hurricane – Ino. He looks at the sky and her words, her sincere words play on repeat in his head. That's the best thing about her Ino – she's just so _sincere_. She is so real and you can always understand her feelings by just one look at her face: if she's happy or sad, angry or frustrated, because it's been six years and she still hasn't learn to keep her emotions in check. He says it's annoying and _it is_, but not as much as he pretends it to be; he secretly enjoys those random outbursts of energy and emotions. It tightens his chest when he remembers hers '_at least you won'_ but then she was beaming at him again, because even when she lost in her fight, he won and she's truly happy for him. Shikamaru wishes she wasn't like that; he wishes she wouldn't talk to him after Sakura beat her, he wishes she wouldn't have congratulated him from all her heart. Because that way it would have been so easy not to think of her the way he does.

''Tiresome'', he mumbles, looking at the sky.

There is some noise on the background and as usually, he hears her before he sees her. Shikamaru doesn't even have to turn and have a look to know who is there; only Ino huffs and sighs at the same time.

''Knew you would be here'', she says, sitting next to him. ''Everyone in your house is waiting for you, you know, for proper celebration of your win.''

''Mhm.''

They fall into the silence and if when he was six, Shikamaru didn't know how to describe it, then now at twelve years old, he can. Their silence is comfortable. It doesn't feel forced or awkward, they don't have to say something to fill it, because just like this – quietly – it feels nice. Those rare moments when Ino is not being her usual loud self and he appreciates that way more than he'd ever admit out loud.

''Will you go down?'' She asks, turning a little to him. ''Everyone is waiting.''

Shikamaru cringes and Ino laughs. He never liked attention and crowds of people, but for some reason, he can't escape it. His head turns and he catches bruises on her knuckles and elbows. _You fought so hard, Ino, you're not weak, I promise_, he wants to say, but instead:

''I won't go anywhere from here.''

He's prepared for her rant about how irresponsible he is and how dare he keep all these people waiting, but instead Ino shrugs and lies down next to him, keeping her knees bent. Something in his heart moves, when their feet brush and her scent wraps around him, making him feel like home. His fingers are itching to take her hand in his, to hug her so tight that she would be able to hear his heartbeats and understand that she's not a failure and he's so proud of her even if she lost.

''Let's stay here, then'', she whispers back.

He chuckles, because of course Ino won't ask if he wants her to stay here with him, but the truth is, he wants her too. Wind whistles above their heads and clouds start moving just a bit faster in the sky and he closes his eyes, feeling her relax next to him.

''This roof is a great escape'', she mumbles quietly.

_You are great escape for me_, he thinks and shut his eyes tightly.

Shikamaru is sure that his heart calms down because of the soft wind blowing and not because Ino leans closer to him, until her head is on her shoulder and yeah, it feels like home.

_She was his first kiss and first heartbreak when they were fifteen_-

Ino is warm when she presses her body to his left side and cuddles a little – just a little, because this is Ino and she doesn't cuddle – all tired. His hand is wrapped around her shoulders and Shikamaru keeps telling himself that it's only to prevent her from falling and not to keep her close to him. There are drops of sweat on her forehead and her cheeks are in dirt that he tries to get off with his thumb; she's tired, like all of them. Little trip to Suna was tiring just because of the distance and awfully different climate in the Sand land, but on their way back they had a fight with few shinobi, which didn't end very well for them, as they were stupid enough not to stay a bit in Suna, but get on their way back immediately. Shikamaru frowns, his hand clenching into fist when he remembers turning back to see Ino's body on the ground. Spare second and that shinobi was taken down by Choji, but it doesn't matter; not when his mind clouded with something he never knew before – fear.

''Just one hour'', Ino murmurs into his shoulder. ''One hour and then we will go.''

Choji is snoring and probably one hour won't be enough for any of them to rest, but he knows how she doesn't want to fail the mission. He knows she feels guilty for not being strong enough and his words like '_you were ill whole week and we didn't even rest, of course you weren't strong enough'_ and _'you will never ever get into any mission when you're not feeling good again_' or '_I'm proud of you, I am'_ never leave his lips. Strange, she makes him feel free but also keeps him tongue-tied.

''Rest'', is the only thing he says.

Her head moves and she looks up at him with something strange in her gaze that he doesn't quite get. She's a bit hazy, he can tell by how she can't focus her gaze, but then she leans in, gets a little closer. His breath hitches somewhere in his throat and it's like time has stopped; he can hear his heartbeats in his ears, _boom-boom-boom_, beating loud and clear, faster than ever before. She's right there, her pink lips and big eyes are so close that he can count little white dots in them. His whole body tenses and she presses her lips on his. His eyes shut on their own accord and it's really fast, one of those blink-and-gone moments, but he remembers it for hours and days after. It was just a soft press of their lips – like _thank you for taking care of me_ and he presses back like _I always will_ \- but blood rushes in his brain, making him feel dizzy. His hand twitches, wants to touch her somehow, but doesn't, because – she's a friend. Ino is his best friend and he's not sure if everyone thinks about their best friend at nights, but he does. She is his best friend and he's not daft, he knows best friends don't kiss each other-

She fell asleep. He can tell by her even breathing and her body curving around his so naturally that it knocks out all air from his lungs. He doesn't breath or move for maybe a whole minute, but then she groans and nudges his side, like telling him to get softer, because his body is all tensed and he complies. It always gets him, settles this warm somewhere in his chest to know that Ino can't sleep when someone else is around, but she always falls asleep on his shoulder or when he's near. He wraps his arm tighter around her shoulders and stays on the watch, because that's what leader of the group does.

On the next day, when they get back to Konoha with tired smiles on their faces – well, Shikamaru was not smiling – everything falls back into the routine and it's like that little kiss has never happened between them. One part of him is happy for it, because he doesn't know what to do about it, but another one, part that is hidden somewhere in his heart, is angry. Angry, offended and Shikamaru ignores it, because he's good at ignoring. Still, he can't help but stare at Ino, can't erase the memory of her soft lips on his and he doesn't want to forget it, even though Ino probably did; this is important for him, he holds on to this memory with both hands. He holds on tight, when he sees Ino running around for Sasuke and hears her talking about him again and again and again until he feels like his ears will bleed if he hears name of Uchiha again. Back in his mind, he knows the name of this biting feeling and forming hole in his chest, but Shikamaru is not a protagonist of some cheap novel, so he doesn't admit that he's jealous, because _he is not_. Choji sometimes glances at him like just to make sure he's okay, when Ino spends more than two minutes ranting about Sasuke's hair and eyes, like he understands what Shikamaru doesn't. And this is ridiculous, because Nara is the genius, Nara is the best strategist and god damn, he's the one who understands everything. So it angers him, makes him want to punch something _hard_, when this overwhelming feeling crushes down. It feels like someone stepped on his chest, not letting him breathe and he can't move, can't feel his body; or maybe it feels like drowning and being tied to something heavy that keeps on bringing him down and down into the darkness. Shikamaru likes to read, so when he sees Io and Sakura arguing about whoever fits best to Sasuke, he knows the name of this dull pain in his chest. It's called heartbreak.

_She made him cry for the first time when he was seventeen_-

''Shikamaru.'' Her voice is a background of his life.

''Shikamaru!'' Louder this time and with notes of disapproval.

He lazily turns around and stares at her. She eyes cigarette in his fingers and he knows how much she hates him for smoking. She also knows his reasons and she doesn't understand them, not completely. She keeps on nagging him about this, tries to make him stop smoking, but he can't. Funny, how he's called genius, but his reasons don't have logic, at all. Cigarette is a reminder. Cigarette is memory of all those amazing times that are now in the past. Cigarette is Asuma. Cigarette is all that he has.

''What?'' He asks, flickering ash, noticing how she cringes at that. ''Yamana-''

She flinches and he tries to swallow down this awful feeling, but he can't help it. He stopped calling her by name since Asuma- since everything changed. They were so close and now they are so far apart that his heart shatters every single when this thought crosses his mind.

''I said Choji and I are going to have lunch-''

''Good'', he lets out and turns away.

He can feel her anger. It gets him in those huge waves and he tries to concentrate on even breathing and not on the way her eyelashes fan over her cheeks and how sun rays make her eyes even brighter.

''Why are you like this?!'' She sounds angry, tired and-

and she sounds hurt. His mother words ''never hurt girls, Shikamaru'' clog his mind and he refuses to turn back to her. He can bear a lot of things, but not hurt look on her face.

''I'm trying-'', she stops and there is a shaky breath that gives away her feelings, ''-I'm trying so hard to pull us back together, I'm trying to get things back-''

''Everything's changed'', he interrupts her, twirling cigarette in his fingers, narrowing his eyes when ash falls. ''Nothing will ever be as it was before.''

''Look at me when I'm speaking to you'', she sounds like his mother, which surprises him a whole lot, but he can't do anything but comply. Because he always complies when it's Ino. ''Look at me, Shikamaru!''

''_I'm always looking at you_!'' He growls out and immediately regrets it.

Her piercing blue eyes are scanning him like trying to understand what is hiding and really, she doesn't have to do that. Because he never hides anything from his team, not from Choji or Ino and there is only one thing- He shakes head and puts his hands into the pockets. His face is a stoic mask of calmness, even though inside he's raging fire.

''You should just understand that nothing will ever be the same'', he says, softly this time. ''We've changed-''

''No'', she spits back. ''_You_ changed, don't talk about me or Choji. You have changed and you're acting like only _you_ are affected by everything what happened, but it's not like that!'' She's shaking with anger and its quite fascinating sight to look at, but he makes himself to pay attention to what she's saying and: ''You are not the only one who lost him, I lost him too, and Choji! How can you be so freaking selfish-''

''Selfish?'' He asks back, his tone raising. ''I am the one who acts selfish here?''

''_Yes, yes, yes_!'' She's screaming now and her eyes are suspiciously shiny like-

No. Anything but not this. Shikamaru takes little step forward, when first tear runs down her cheek. He's lost, always felt himself like that whenever someone cried, and something inside of him is breaking. Ino is trembling, she looks like she would fight him in any moment, but he knows better; knows that she just wants him to apologize and hug her. But this is something he can't do.

''Me and Choji, we- we try so hard to keep things normal, but how can we, if you distancing yourself from us?!'' Her knees are shaking and in the next second she sits n the roof, like legs betrayed her. ''I don't understand-''

There were a lot of words that wanted to come about, but they didn't, because he kneeled down in front of her and wiped tears from her cheeks. She's so hurt and it's because of him. When he is the only person in this world who better bleed himself than hurt her.

''I don't understand what me or Choji did wrong'', she sniffles and then slaps his hand away from her face. ''You have always been Asuma's favorite, but-'', she stops and takes a deep breath.

Shikamaru looks down, so she won't see his little smile. She tries so hard to take a hold of her emotions, to show him that she's all grown up now and crying in front of him is just a little weakness; his smile is affectionate because he know this girl better than she knows herself, and they did change, but some things always stay the same.

''You're an asshole'', she declares and then smacks his shoulder. ''I'm done with you.''

It is not a joke. He can tell by her tone that she is dead serious and his hand almost twitches to grab hers- almost. Ino stand sup and her eyes are icy blue, sharp like knives that stab his heart when she repeats those words again ''I'm done with you.'' She jumps from the roof and Shikamaru is alone, looking at the little space where few seconds ago she sat so close to him. So close, but so far. Shikamaru stares at that space and she knows how dead serious she said those words, she meant them. She's done with him. There is something tickling his eyes, making him blank fast and- fuck. He lets out a shaky laugh and looks up in the sky. _Maybe it is my turn to cry_. And small tears fall, one by one, from his eyes; he wipes them off quickly. The sky is grey with o clouds and rain will probably start pouring soon.

''You'', he looks at the sky and chuckles sadly. ''You still are like her eyes.''

_She always has been his priority, but he understood that only at twenty_-

''Fuck, that was good.''

Shikamaru rolls to the other side of the bed and sits up, looking for his pack of cigarettes. Temari's fingers ghost over his spine and she scratches it, making him hiss. She was ruthless when he first met her and she's exactly like that in the bed. This things that is between them – people say that they are couple – is strange. Because being with Temari doesn't make his heart jolt and mind race; no, it makes him feel like this is what he should be doing.

''Give me water'', she asks and he quickly hands it little bottle to her, still not facing the girl. ''Everything's alright?''

He turns and nods. Because this is what it is – just alright. Temari makes him forget about dull ache in his heart, just like he makes her forget about all of the problems of her family. It's that easy and Shikamaru has never been the one to put names on anything, but what they have is probably called relationship, even though he doesn't say anything when people call them a couple. His tongue gets heavy in his mouth, because Temari smiles bright when someone says that they look good together and somewhere inside, somewhere deep deep inside – he wonders, no, he _knows_, that he would have loved to put a name into relationship if only there was another girl by his side. It took him long time, but Nara Shikamaru is not a coward and he can admit that he's in love with only one girl and it's not Temari. But it's her, who squeezes his hand as they walk down the streets of Konoha and she looks sad about having to leave tomorrow.

''Just two of us together'', she says and tugs on his sleeve. ''Don't look so bored.''

''That's my face'', Shikamaru offers, but he understands her feeling because since she came to Konoha, they have been together only two times and both times they haven't even talk (because he doesn't like talking during sex, it's absolutely unnecessary), so it feels nice to just walk around with her.

Temari is a good girl to have around: she can keep up with any topic, her dry sense of humor makes him chuckle and she's really good at taking one's mind away from any problem. Her loud chatter fills the silence between them and he's only half-listening, because – he thinks she knows. Temari is far from being stupid and she has this – how most women like to call it – intuition. Shikamaru could never lie and he never told her that they are a couple, but he knows she won't tolerate this any longer. Something heavy between them takes place every single time when their gazes meet: something what is not spoken, not yet. Guilt is eating him inside, but he doesn't let it keep him from being realistic. Because honestly, Temari is a good girl. He's not deaf; he hears all those whispers about them getting married and his mother started to give him very strange looks that he doesn't even want to understand. This idea about marriage is tickling in the back of his mind and lately, he came to the conclusion that if after two years this thing between them would still be present, then he's getting on the one knee and popping that question to her. (_Even if it just thinking about it makes him want to gag. Even if his heart feels dead when he thinks about being together for a lifetime with someone who is not her_.)

''You should come to Suna'', she starts, carefully looking at him.

''For?'' He asks and nods absently to familiar people passing them. ''I've been there few months ago.''

''It's always me who comes to your village'', she has the point.

''When I will be sent on a mission-''

''Not because of the mission'', she interrupts and he raises his eyebrow on her.

Temari rolls her eyes. ''For a genius, you can be a proper idiot at times. Come to Suna just to visit me, not for a mission.'' Her voice dropped low and she looks a bit shy. ''You're always welcome there.''

He is not, really. Gaara looks at him like any wrong move and he would be dying in the sand prison and Kankuro has a mission of keeping him on the nerves whole fucking time. Of course, he doesn't say that. He settles for simple and absolutely not promising: ''maybe'' and pretends not to notice her flinching.

''Are you hungry?'' She asks few seconds later, smiling, letting yet another argument die without even starting. ''I saw ramen- is that Choji?''

Shikamaru turns to the left and narrows his eyes at his old friend – _brother_, his mind immediately correct – who is running like some building is on fire and he has to save something.

''Choji!'' Shikamaru grabs his elbow and with effort makes another guy stop, even though he ends being dragged on the ground a little. ''Choji!''

He's out of breath and he looks at Shikamaru with those wild eyes that keep on searching for something in his face. Honestly, they have kind of stopped hanging out together for years now, because when Ino said: ''I'm done with you'', Choji agreed and Shikamaru doesn't blame him, not at all.

''What's going on?'' He asks in a calm voice, scanning his friend for any injuries.

''Ino-''

Just by the way Choji says her name Shikamaru knows – something is wrong off and it's an emergency. He grips Choji's wrist harder, tries to ignore his racing heart and something that settles somewhere in his lungs, making it hard to breathe. His breath stills in inhale and he hears words like 'hospital' and 'mission went wrong' and tidal wave is growing inside of his head.

''Shikamaru'', Temari calls, but he snaps his hand out of her grip.

''I need to go'', he says without looking back and in the next second he nudges Choji, telling him to follow.

Shikamaru runs. Runs so fast that his eyes are watering because of the wind, but that doesn't matter, not when he can already see the hospital. There is a chant in his head and it's just '_be okay, be okay, please, be okay'_ until Choji shows him the room and he comes in. His skin is cold and his heart clenches tightly at the sight of Ino on the hospital bed. Choji says something about Sakura doing a great job and he can't even move. His eyes notice a thin coat of still-drying sweat on her forehead and starkly colored marks from bruises.

''They hope she wakes up quickly'', Choji whispers, sitting next to her. ''Sakura asked Tsunade to take her, because it was that bad.''

''What happened?'' His throat is dry and he can't even dart himself closer to her, because he's scared it might be too much for him.

Shikamaru has never been good with emotions or better, in the way of showing them. His lazy expression and calmness became his trade mark and he always kept what he felt inside under many and many layers of ignorance. Bur right now? He feels too much; all of the emotions are about to rip off his skin and burn down everything around him.

''…she just tried to cover me up'', Choji's voice enters his mind. ''It's my fault.''

His best friend is about to cry, Shikamaru knows this thickness in his voice very well. But Choji holds on, sniffing and not taking his eyes out from Ino. Shikamaru can't even look at her, can't let the realization sink in that she, this blonde hurricane, his best friend is lying on that bed motionless. He needs to smoke. Without saying any word he wlaks out of the room and goes in quick steps – even though he wants to run – on the roof. The streets are a shiny black color from the morning storm and the sun is bright orange somewhere in the distance. He realizes his fingers are shaking when cigarette drops on the ground and Shikamaru is _angry_.

His mind is buzzing with many and many options of what happened and he pinches the bridge of the nose, hard enough to make him feel dizzy. Numbness in his chest is growing and he has so many questions: ''Who lead the group?'', ''Who didn't make plan for this unexpected attack?'' and most importantly, ''Who did that to her?''. His anger wants to spur out on someone who is there to blame, everything in his being craves loud crack of bones beneath his hands. But he knows very well, that in all truth, he's angry on himself. Angry for not going on the mission with her. Angry for not being able to shield this fragile girl who wants to be so strong for this weak world- and then he remembers their kiss; her lips pressed to his like _thank you for taking care of me_ and his pressed to hers in _I always will_.

He shivers, no, he violently trembles and throws pack of cigarettes on the ground. Something stings his eyes, but he won't allow himself to cry; not because it's not a manly thing, but because he can't be weak now. His chest goes up and down too fast for it to be called normal, so he closes his eyes, evens out his breathing and clears his mind from all of the thoughts and leaves only one – the one that has never left his mind in all years – that Ino Yamanaka is his… his mind drifts and he remembers the first time he has ever heard that word. Priority. His mother told him that his health is a priority. His father said once, looking both and at him and his mother that their happiness is a priority. Shikamaru doesn't like big words like that; they have too much weight on them. He looks up and the sky is getting darker and it reminds him of- of course it reminds him of her eyes. They are this color when she's angry or is about to blow up the roof of the house and yeah, Temari was right. For a genius, he can be a proper idiot at times. How could he ever think that he would ever forget her? Ino surges through his veins, she's in his every heartbeat, she's in his heart that beats for her, cries out her name every day. It's funny how everything falls into the place, how clarity finds him in the most unexpected time. Three words are rolling on the tip of his tongue but he won't say them. Not now.

_She is his everything_.

''Nara, I respect you very much, but-'', Tsunade raises her eyebrow on a young man, who looks completely unfazed by her glare. He looks like he's not going to move from him until she agrees with him. In a writing form.

Tsunade closes her eyes and sinks into the seat. So much happened in the last days that she doesn't even have any nerve for arguing. Maybe she's aging? She opens his eyes and no, Shikamaru did not disappear; in fact, he stepped even closer and still has this bored expression on his face.

''So you're saying that Ino Yamanaka should not go to the missions of the highest rank unless you're in the team, too'', she repeats and Nara nods. ''I understand that you're worried for her, she's your teammate, but she's also a highly-skilled ninja and can take of herself.''

''I'm not saying that she can't'', he tries to keep his tone neutral, but it comes out strained anyway. ''She's more than capable in that, actually.''

''Then?'' Tsunade wonders, more out of curiosity than of anything else. ''You-''

''This would benefit everyone'', he says, looking right in her eyes. ''We know each other very well and make a good team on the field. This accident on the previous mission happened, because teammates don't know each other enough to understand moves and signs.''

_Tries to mask it under logic_, Tsunade thinks and shrugs. ''Are you saying that I picked up this team in a wrong way?''

He merely raises his eyebrow. ''I'm saying that none of the ninjas would have ended up in the hospital if I was in the team with Ino and Choji.''

This would have sounded arrogant from anyone's mouth, but it doesn't sound like that when Shikamaru said that. Tsunade just stares at this young man in front of her and thinks of him being little and how everyone learned about his IQ for the first time. He's grown so much, all of them. She sighs loudly.

''If she's available, then she would go on missions of the lowest rank with others'', she says and Nara nods. ''And if you won't be available, she goes on hard missions with others.''

''Only if I'm unavailable'', he pushes. ''Which won't happen, I believe.''

''Nara'', she lets out in a warning tone but then relaxes. ''Have you discussed this with her? I know Ino and she won't like this.''

''Is that a yes?'' He tilts his head and for the first time, he doesn't look bored.

''It is a yes. You have my word.'' His nose scrunches up and she barks: ''Out of my cabinet, Nara!''

He goes away, feeling like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders.

_Cause oh,_

_You're in my veins and I can't get you out_

Shikamaru thinks of how it started and it brings smile on his face. Little, crooked smile that he knows Ino loves. Her breathing is soft and she's smiling in her sleep, probably sees some dream that he's sure he is a part of. His fingers casually caress her wrist and after what happened on that mission, Shikamaru has a strange need to always touch her; this is a reassurance for her that he's here, _right here_, but also it's a need for him to know that she's close. A manic thought about her leaving him always lingers somewhere in the back of his mind, but it disappears every time when he looks down at her sleeping peacefully in his arms – because she can't sleep when someone is around, but it never was this way with him. They were fated to each other, he thinks, even though he hardly ever believes in fate. Shikamaru counts freckles – sun kisses – on her shoulder and leans in, placing small kiss there. If someone said him back then that he'd become so affectionate and cheesy, he wouldn't have believed, but here he is, looking at Ino in his arms and he thinks about poetry, something lovely and fascinating, just like her. She twists in his arms and yawns a little, cuddling even closer to his side. Ino smells like her favorite shampoo (liliac) and _him_, which shouldn't make Nara insanely happy but it does.

''Stop staring'', she mumbles and opens her eyes, looking up at him.

She's so close, he can tell apart few different shades of blue in her eyes and dimmed lightning of the bedroom makes her skin look almost olive, kind of tanned and her lips are swollen from all of those kisses and he just. Loves her. So damn much.

''Shika'', she punches him slightly and nuzzles her nose in the crook of his neck. ''Can't get enough of me?'' She asks teasingly.

''Never will'', he replies before his hand drops from her shoulders to her lower back.

''Nara, you're horrifyingly cheesy these days'', Ino breathes out a laugh, when he tickles her side briefly. ''I like it.''

''You do?'' He asks, a bit surprised.

She nods and places her head comfortably on his shoulder, her fingers tapping his chest in some rhythm. Ino is silent for few moments but then he notices how she glances at the clock on the wall. Shikamaru kisses her head and slowly starts to sit up, when she suddenly presses tender kisses on his chest and grips him tighter. This hug says everything what doesn't fall from her lips; the '_please be careful out there'_ and '_I'm really worried, try to make it fast'_ and '_I don't want you to go'_. Instead, she says loudly:

''Don't you dare to be late on Choji's birthday. I'm not going there by my own.''

He can't help this fondness that surges through his body, when he sees how she tries to control her voice and facial expression. This is hers '_'come back to me''_ and Shikamaru thinks how freaking similar they are.

''We won't be late this time'', he says in a promising tone and this means _I'll come back to you, I always will_.

''You will be late if you don't start changing'', she chuckles and pushes him out of the bed, pulling covers all around her body.

She watches him changing in silence and warmth is spreading through his body, when he catches her smiling at him. Her eyes are sad and he can tell by the way she tugs on her bottom lip that she's nervous. Shikamaru comes to the bed and leans in, pecking her lips softly.

He's almost in the doors, when he turns and she mouths quiet '_I love you'_ at him, smiling. He nods and exits the room, his chest tightening, which happens every time he has to leave. His fingers are trembling a little and he needs a cigarette, but he gave up on smoking two years ago. He's about to turn, when he hears soft squeak from the opening door. Stopping, Shikamaru turns his head and raises his eyebrow at Ino. She's leaning on the door, clutching blanket in her hands, covering her body. She looks completely wrecked with messy hair, shiny eyes and swollen lips and he allows himself to feel smug, because _he did that._

''Don't die out there'', she whispers.

He shrugs and turns, going out of the apartment. She tells him this before any mission and he always swears that he'll try his best to not let her down. He already did that too many times. There are flashbacks in his mind and he tilts his head down, so people won't see him smiling to nothing. He remembers their first kiss, first date, first argument, first time they made love and no one loves that strong girl in the weak world more than Nara Shikamaru does.


End file.
